The paperback version hit the New York Times best-seller list the following year.
Rules support groups for women sprang up around the country. To wit: In bed, "don't be a drill sergeant, demanding that he do this or that. Remember, those are your needs you're concerned about filling, and The Rules are a selfless way of living and handling a relationship." The reader is left wondering when she could finally let her — long! — hair down and be her pushy, needy, authentic self. A subsequent book was The Rules for Marriage.) But what The Rules offered, more than anything, was a strategy.
"So," I lied cheerily, "let's talk next week —" He followed me down the hall and grabbed my arm as I pressed the button for the elevator. "That's fine," I said, abandoning the lighthearted voice and shaking him off again.
"I totally and completely understand that," I said, and slammed the car door behind me. 11, "Always End the Date First.") The taxi took off down the street and he ran after it, screaming, "This is your last chance — do you get that? " "I am already in the fucking car," I screamed out the window as the driver turned onto Atlantic Avenue and sped up to catch the light.
I wish I could say doing the Rules on Brian taught me an immediate and tidy feminist lesson. My experience with Brian was only the first tiny inkling that what I really needed to do was stop dating losers.
In her later interviews with post-college men and women, Dr. Lamont did, that the fear of appearing "desperate" kept women from taking the overt lead in dating. Bogle whether this is a case of men not actually knowing what they want and women deciding it for them? Men can say, "I'd like women to do the asking and the paying," but nonetheless the moment she reaches for the check feels awkward, for both the man and the woman.
"An analogous situation," says Bogle, "is that men say they'd love it if their wives made more money than them.
They just weren't asking the men out or paying for the dates.